Sawyer Austin

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Wishing it were a dream

I pretty much knew that I wanted another baby soon after Xavier. To some people they didn't agree with this but I have learned you can't and will not make everyone happy. So on November 1, 2005 we found out we were having another baby! So excited and had no worries about going into labor early. That was all about to change. The doctor found that I had a double uterus which was the main reason why Xavier was so early. I didn't know too much about it but we told that I should be able to carry further along than I did with Xavier. Not the case... I was having contractions so we drove to the hospital and they hooked me up to all sorts of machines. I think it was about 2 hours and they stopped so the Army doctors gave me the ok to head home. Big mistake. We weren't home 10 minutes and my water broke. Back to the hospital only this time to stay a lot longer than we expected. So here we go again, I was going into labor with Sawyer. I was rushed to Del Sol Medical Center in El Paso TX. I can't even begin to tell you how hard it was for me to write that. That place has such horrible memories for me it's hard to think of that place. It was basically my hell. My situation with Sawyer was alot better than Xavier's, I still had fluid around the baby and my contractions stopped so we thought I would just stay on bed rest. Well the next day they noticed that Sawyer had an infection that wasn't treatable except for c-section. We didn't know what to expect when they pulled him out. I mean how do you even begin to prepare to say hello to little life and seconds later say goodbye. They got him out and by the grace of God were able to get the tube down.  I was in the recovery room for a few hours before I could see him. But when I did it was love at first sight. He looked just like Xavier did when he was in the hospital. The next day I was very sick with high fevers and very weak. They found out I was getting the same infection Sawyer was fighting. And to top it all off was the stupid doctor that gave me my c-section cut too long, I can't even begin to explain the pain. I remember my family would call my room and all I was able to do was whisper to them cause the pain was so intense. The hard part was during the period that I was sick I wasn't allowed to visit Sawyer. I remember laying in my hospital bed pleading with God to make me better so I could see Sawyer. I was so afraid he would pass and I wouldn't see him. A few days later after my fevers stopped I was able to finally see my beautiful baby. It was the best moment of my life to touch his hand. Yay I finally get discharged and get to go home. It was so hard to be away from Xavier and knowing Mike was alone. Sawyer had so many issues he was dealing with that his poor little body just couldn't handle anymore. They tried to do what they could but it just wasn't enough. I'm not going to go into detail but we got a call on March 25, 2006 from the doctors to please come in. My husband was going so fast down the highway it was unreal. We made it to the room and sat next to Sawyer. I remember one of the nurses saying maybe you should tell him it's ok to go. I wanted to kill her. So we were able to hold him, I went first and it was unexplainable. I couldn't even see him through my tears. Micheal held him and as he did I remember yelling someone cover his feet, his feet are getting so cold. I think about 4-5 minutes later he passed away in Michael's arms.

As we left Sawyer we made our way out to see that some of my husbands co-workers came for support. I was a mess but to see your big strong Army husband fall apart was more than I could handle.

 As hard as this blog was to write I'm so glad I did.  It's been 4 1/2 years since Sawyer passed and to this day it's still as hard as the day it happened. We love and miss you Sawyer with all our heart.

No comments:

Post a Comment