Sawyer Austin

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Thoughts for Thursday

Yes it's another Thursday!! So as always here are my thoughts:

So glad to have my house back to normal (somewhat) from Christmas

I HATE cleaning bathrooms!! gross

I've slept so much this Christmas break it ain't even funny

I can't come up with any goals for the New Year???? I want something new and fresh.....I mean doesn't everyone wanna get in shape and watch what they eat????? I wanna make something different this year.

Been loving the time I get with Michael......watching movies at night and just great conversations

It feels so good to give back...I got a huge box filled with old toys and giving it to the goodwill....what a good feeling!! you should try it

hate working out but get so excited when I'm done

ready for Spring (like 5 minutes ago)

my kids and dogs follow me everywhere

is it too much too ask to use the bathroom ALONE?????

waiting for some news!!!!

I have a feeling 2011 is going to be an exciting year!!

That is all......Happy New Year

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Missing Home

We had such an awesome Christmas this year!!! Best gift by far was having my husband home for it:) The kids got so much stuff, here it is the 26th and we still have toys in the box cause there are too many! I think my husband enjoys playing with the toys as much as the kids do! He's still very much a kid at heart. With that being said, man it's so hard being away from family for Christmas. We have an aunt and uncle that live in the area, so we got to spend Christmas Eve with them. It's been great having them close by to have some sort of family around. All I kept thinking of was wow wish my parents were here to see the kids open up gifts or having Christmas dinner with all of them. But instead I get to see pictures of my brothers' beautiful kids open gifts. Not the same but I'll take what I can get. Not to mention how hard it is to see my parents through pictures and having fun without us.

There is no in between either. Last Christmas I was.....well the b word! Just wasn't a happy person without Michael home. This year wasn't that bad but still there seems to be no in between. WHY???? I knew getting married to an Army man that this came along with it. It just sucks....blah I feel like I can't talk to Michael about it either, it doesn't bother him. He's been away for so long now that it's no big deal. Well I'm a lot closer to my family I guess. My mom and sister in law's are my best friends and I'm a huge daddys' girl. So I'm sure that's why it's easier for him to be away. Who knows. Any who, I hope everyone had a blessed holiday! Now bring on Spring please or Summer would be nice.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Thoughts for Thursday

So it's Thursday which means Christmas is almost here! This Christmas will be so special having my husband here. A far cry from last Christams!

Just some random thoughts:

I hate holiday traffic!!! That's my #1

so it's confirmed we have a dead tree for Christmas! That's our luck. no really there's only like 3 needles left!

can not wait for my kids to get some new toys to play with....they are driving me CRAZY!

love that Michael is home but really missing my other family:( that part of the Army really sucks...blah

Sekota is pretty sure our dog is a horse (Trigger) he keeps trying to ride I said they need new toys

so excited that I got two diaper cakes done and may I say that look pretty awesome! And I made two covers for baby wipe cases....very cool and a cheap baby gift!

ready for summer so I can meet the newest Mickey baby....come on summer

So here's hoping you all have a wonderful Christams......and remember what is really important in life and it's NOT the gifts.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Husband vs. Wife

I know no marriage is perfect and it's something that always has to be worked on. (well That's I how feel anyway) Everyday when Michael gets home from work I always ask him how his day was. And everyday I get to listen to yet another Army story. I get so tired of hearing those stories BUT I love my husband so I want to know. Do you think he asks me about my day???? Heck no! It gets me mad but I hate getting into fights (which we hardly do) so I just brush it off and think maybe he'll ask me another day. I think too we are still trying to settle in again with living with each other. Being apart as much as we have it kinda puts a strain on our marriage when we do get back together. But it's nothing we can't handle.

So yesterday we had to take Xavier to his eye exam. It was crazy early and I had to get two kids up and dressed, pack a bag, take the dogs out and get myself ready. So any who we're on the road and Michael asked me if I grabbed the paper work for the eye exam. REALLY guy???? Then got pissed when i told him I didn't get it. Why is it that I have to do everything??? I'm sure if I would he'd want me to wipe his a** for him too. Men I just don't get them sometimes! It doesn't take much it's just the little things people! Like pick up your own dirty crusty Army Pt's and wash them yourself.

Make no mistake we love each other more than anything and our sweet kids. It's just we have our moments just like any other marriage.  I would follow my husband anywhere (which I have), I would love more than anything to be able to go home more but this is our life. I guess I've just grew up alot being an Army wife.

Ups and downs (and believe me when I say we have had our share) we love each other and will continue to grow and have a beautiful marriage.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Remember When

This picture is Christmas of 04. As you can see I'm pregnant with Xavier. This was by far my favorite Christmas:)

Saturday, December 18, 2010


What a year it's been! My husband deployed last Aug 09 and just returned Aug 10. So he missed the holidays...weird! That seems to be the story of our live. I'm so thankful for him to be home for this holiday. Not that last year wasn't good, cause it was. I went home to PA to live the whole yr while he was gone. My family tried and did their best to get me through it, but some days it didn't matter what we did or what they said to me. NOTHING matter cause Michael wasn't there. He always joked saying our kids are going to start thinking he's "uncle Mike"......not so funny for me. So I did it, I made it through the holiday (well as best I could). How can you be happy when there is a huge part of you missing??? You can't, I couldn't. My poor kids, not proud of it but some days I would do nothing and I mean nothing. Sometimes they would even eat dinner in the bathtub. What??? Don't judge me, it was a hard time. But I'm so thankful that's it's over and he's here this year. My worst fear is he's gonna deploy again:( wow not sure if I could make it through another one. It's sad when you think a 12 month deployment is short. He's had some Loooooong ones. Thought  I was gonna die...but as you can see I made it through. So thank you to my wonderful and strong husband for being my rock and getting me through some of the hardest times. I heart you Michael V:) (i know cheesy) too bad

Thursday, December 16, 2010

My Question of the myself

So the hubby wants another bundle of joy........I'm very much torn for several reasons:

1) I'm not that girl who enjoys being pregnant

2) I gained a lot of weight with Sekota and I'm finally happy with my body.....well kinda

3) 9 months REALLY? that's crazy...I mean can't it be like 5 months

4) bed rest with 2 kids and the hubby at work??? not a good idea

5) morning sickness need I say more

Don't get me wrong I loooove being a mommy but I'll be honest some days I'm looking for a mommy exit. But wouldn't trade any of it for the world. I have to say though after 3 boys it would be nice to try for a little girl. Oh and we have family members that like to put in their two cents about it and seem to think we should stop where we are. Yeah that totally pisses the hubby off. I just laugh and brush it off. My sister in law is on her 4th and she's telling me to take one for the team!! So who knows...I guess stay tuned:)

Monday, December 13, 2010


I've always been pretty crafty....well at least I think so. I'm going to attempt my first diaper cake. Funny how excited I am to get started on it:) I'm also gonna make a tie blanket-which by the way is very easy and super cute! I've been trying to learn to knit but just can't seem to master that yet.

So I just wanted to know if anyone had any cute craft ideas???  Anything, I feel like I do the same things and just looking for some new ideas.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Sometimes you just need to let it out

What a week!! Yesterday was by far the hardest day I've had being a mommy. It's no secret that my 5 yr old has autism, well he melted down so bad that I wasn't able to comfort him. He has never melted down like that ever. I first called my mom because well isn't that what every mom does it call her mom and ask "mom what should i do?". She advised me to call the doctor to have him seen right away. Called the doctor and they couldn't see him till 6:30..yay me. Mike at that time was on his way home to help. Can i just say how hard it is to see your child that mind you is nonverbal wanting so bad to tell me what he wants and nothing comes out. I've never seen anyone have a seizure but I'm pretty sure he had a mild one. So fighting tears I just held him tight in my arms all while he's grabbing, pinching and throwing himself at me. I even had to call the doctor's office twice because the first time I couldn't hear over Xavier. We get him to the doctor's and he gets a clean bill of health, they seem to think he was just extremely tired.

On a great note he's back to his old self, full of smiles and giggles. On the other hand mommy has a lot of battle scars.....

Today I called my sister in law and just cried and thanks Dani for being there for me. Love ya long time Pal:)

Monday, December 6, 2010

Will it ever get easy???

It's been 41/2 years since we said our goodbyes to Sawyer, and it just doesn't seem to get any easier. I've prayed about it and prayed more about it and the pain is still there like it happened yesterday. Along the way I've been able to let go of alot of anger and I mean alot. I remember just yelling at the top of my lungs WHY?? why is this happening to us. Being so angry with God that he is letting this happen to MY baby.

Christmas is always hard for me, when I go to hang up the stockings it seems so weird and still very hard to comprehend that Sawyer doesn't have one. And yes I have thought about making him one but for me to see it hanging there would be just too painful. I often wonder who he would have looked like. Would he have my husband's warm smile or my caring heart......and how he would play with his brothers'.

I read stories of other families that have had a loss of a child and not that it makes me happy that they have had to go through all the pain but happy that they also know what you went through and are still going through. Cause let me tell you, you can NEVER get that image out of your head. I remember being at the cemetery and after the prayer was said I just fell completely apart in every way shape and form. All I remember was my brother Jason coming up from behind and holding me so tight and not wanting to let go.

The next few months after his passing was such a blur. I felt so distant from everyone around me except for Xavier. I wouldn't let him out of my sight in fear that I would loose him too.

My faith had gotten me through so much and I will continue to pray that my days will get easier and my heart will heal.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Thoughts for Thursday

Blah what a long morning. We had to get up at 5 and of course the dogs had to pee at 4:30 so I've been up ever since. Xavier had yet another eye exam...this one wasn't as bad. They want him back on the 21st to have another go but the good news is that his eyes are looking like they are getting stronger!!!

I made Mike go back and hold him down, (not a good experience) so that left me with fat boy. He felt very strongly that he needed to let everyone in the building know he had to take a poo. Nice Sekota...thanks for that. The joys of something!!

My husband is way to dedicated to his it too much to ask that we get a tree before Christmas??

My smaller dog Scout almost made me vomit this morning......he thinks it's cool to eat Trigger's poo. I told Mike after Scout got his licks in! What?? He had it coming!

Big family news broke this week...still in shock but oh brother and sister in law are having their 4th baby in June!!

Happy Thursday blah blah for a nap