Today marks the day 5 years ago of Sawyer's passing away. I always dread this day but am so thankful that my wonderful husband took yesterday and today off so we could spend it together. We haven't been together for Sawyer's birthday or this day, so it means the world to me that he's home. Thank goodness for him being home because I totally lost it today. In the past I never was able to let the tears flow or even scream because I had to take care of the kids alone. So today I did just that. I stayed in bed until noon then basically made myself get up and put a half smile on my face in front on my kids. We had to take Xavier to get new shoes for his braces (that will be another blog) so I had to get myself together for that. Thank gosh for sunglasses.
We got home later, I tried to eat but just wasn't that hungry so I made my way to bed at 5:30 and stayed until 8. I wasn't a good mommy at all today but I just needed to be away from it all. I think I was able to let it all go cause Mike was here. I never had that before and so the tears continued to fall. I've completely shut down to all around, I call home and put a smile on but deep down my heart is breaking. It's just not fair that I had to say goodbye to my sweet baby. WHY???? Five years later and the pain still feels very fresh.
My sweet little Sekota told me today that he didn't want Sawyer in the sky anymore. Talk about tears! We let the kids send balloons in the sky for Sawyer and my grandma said it best, when we finally are in heaven Sawyer will be waiting with a hand full of balloons. I'm so looking forward to that day!