Puppets on a string

So I can't help feeling a little nervous that my husband will deploy again. Although he just got home in August they are already talking about a future deployment. REALLY??? No REALLY???  Not sure if I could handle another long deployment. The last one took all of my being just to make it through. I don't think people can really understand the feeling of having your husband leave and not knowing when you'll talk to him let alone see him again. It's the worst feeling I've ever felt.

I feel like we are the Army's puppets and they are just pulling the strings. It's so overwhelming at times.

He just went back to work today after being home for 2 great weeks and I found myself very upset to let him go back. I'm not that wife who HAS to have him by my side but for some reason lately I need him with me. I guess it's that fear of him leaving again. I hate using the word "normal" but I wish we had a normal life. I want to have our own house, no more renting. Grrr....I hate renting, it's like throwing your money away. He has almost 14 years in so I'm just praying that the last years he stays safe at home with us where he belongs.